Scenes From Draft Day, cont.

Above: Matsuzaka's Revenge GM Clarence, 2 minutes before draft start.

Perhaps explaining a pitching staff which Harold The Assaultist Reynolds described as "Shit-eating..... at best."

Does this Man look Worried?

Marlo does not get dismayed, Mr. Fukudome. He goes 6/6. Scores 5 runs. Throws in some variety for the fans. And steals a base. You spend your time talking smack, you gonna get got.

To the Selfless workings of Jimmy Shields and Danny Haren

Scenes From Draft Day

The Tequila Bottle before Marlo drafted Bobby Abreu

Nourishment

Ass Clowns and Fukudome? about to pee on Stanton's rug.

"My Cubbie Problem is Overwhelming."

Marlo and Selfless Foragers wearing their respective amulets, only one of which proved to have any power.

Women at Noses draft: 0. Ass Mustaches: 1.

Stanton cheating his way into another 11th place finish.

“I don’t think I was perfect by any means."

"I just think that everyone we put on the mound has a chance to make the other guys very uncomfortable." - J. Beckett.

Aaron Cook Dazzles in Season Opener

I pick you up on opening day off the pre-season scrap heap to give us a shot in the arm and this is how you repay me?




Not pictured: Aaron Cook lands to break both legs and arms

Cubs to Continue Tradition of Playing Baseball

CHICAGO—The Chicago Cubs, an Illinois-based Major League Baseball club, has continued its rich tradition of sending nine players onto the field and engaging its opponents in games of baseball. "This is an organization with a storied history of taking the field for 162 games a year, sometimes slightly more," manager Lou Piniella said in a pregame press conference in which he reverently lauded the fact that, since 1870, Cubs players have been dutifully hitting, running, pitching, and playing defense on days when they have been scheduled to do so. "And I have a feeling that this is the year when we once again play about 162 baseball games." As per its custom, the team is also expected to wear distinctive uniforms.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cubs_to_continue_tradition?utm_source=onion_rss_daily