Dude, C'mon, Dude: Cocks lunch with Morgan Ensberg

Update: Marlo on the photo cred. Don't act like you weren't as geeked out as Cocks was to meet him.

Why we play the game

FAU and WKU present Rain Delay Theatre @ Yahoo! Video

Ball players at their finest.

Vengeful Shylock Revealed

(From McSweeny's)

Opening Day Genesis.

BY GLENN BIRKEMEIER

- - - -

In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void. God separated the dirt from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.

And God divided the players into two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, to play The Game on His field. God called some of these players Pitchers and some of them Hitters. He placed a Pitcher precisely 60 feet 6 inches from a Hitter. Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the ol' Ballgame.

And God granted jurisdiction of The Game to lesser Gods, whom He called Umpires. God said the Umpires are infallible, blessed with Heavenly authority, whose judgment is not to be questioned under penalty of expulsion from The Game. And God looked at his creation and He was pleased. Then God created the Infield Fly Rule to confuse nonbelievers.

And God said, Let there be light beer, and there was. And, God said, let there be peanuts and hot dogs and overpriced souvenirs and let there be frosty chocolate malts with little wooden spoons that you can buy nowhere else except at this Heaven, which God called a Ballpark, and there was. God looked at His creation and it was good.

And the Lord God formed, from the dust, a collection of elite players in His own image. The Lord God then breathed the breath of life into His creation. God called this creation the National League.

And God said, It is not good for the National League to be alone. The Lord God shall make it a mate. And thus, while the National League slept, God took several of its top players and created the American League.

And God blessed The Game, saying, Be fruitful and multiply. Put teams in every city with deserving fans, God added, even if this occurs at the expense of starting-pitching depth.

From time to time, God understood, The Game would be corrupted by the Serpent. The Serpent was more cunning than any other beast and he would take many wicked forms: the Black Sox, segregation, the Designated Hitter, the Reserve Clause, dead balls, juiced balls, spit balls, corked bats, George Steinbrenner, AstroTurf, the 1981 strike, collusion, lockouts, Pete Rose, the 1994 strike, greenies, cocaine, HGH, Andro, steroids, $20 parking, corporate mallparks, Scott Boras, Donald Fehr, and Bud Selig.

But, God said, the goodness in The Game shall always prevail. As needed, the Lord shall bestow upon The Game a Savior. And the Savior, like the Serpent, can take many forms. The Savior shall remind Fans how blessed The Game truly is. The Savior shall be called by many names, including Cy, Matty, Honus, Big Train, the Babe, Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Lou Gehrig, Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, Buck O'Neil, Hank Greenberg, Red Barber, Harry Carey, Vin Scully, Jack Buck, Satchel Paige, Bill Veeck, Roberto Clemente, Ernie Banks, Hammerin' Hank, Cool Papa, Dizzy, Lefty, Whitey, Stan the Man, Big Klu, the Say Hey Kid, Campy, Duke, the Mick, the Splendid Splinter, the Gas House Gang, the Big Red Machine, the Damn Yankees, Pudge Fisk, Pudge Rodriguez, Yaz, Pops, the Wizard of Oz, Fernando, George Brett, Moonlight Graham, Roy Hobbs, Wild Thing Vaughn, Bingo Long, the Ryan Express, Donnie Baseball, Rickey, Eck, the Big Unit, the Cactus League, Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, Camden Yards, Rotisserie Drafts, Web Gems, Derek Jeter, Dontrelle Willis, Vlad Guerrero, and, from the Far East, Ichiro. And, God guaranteed, there are many more to come.

God looked upon His creation and He was very pleased. And God spoke, yelling, PLAY BALL!

Griffey-Esque Athleticism!

Sports Guy Does Stats!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100402

Sox Announce Plans to Return to Original 1912 Conditions

Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions

Shylock's Yankee-Tendencies

Virtual Arch and the hooves of an Ass

Scenes from the Draft

Gutierrez: Juan-Pierre-esque in his work ethic

Gutierrez the quasi-savant. King Felix is lucky to have this fellow.

Bets Made after Draft

Ants vs. Marlo: Ants bet beer chug that Juan Pierre won't net 25 steals.

chin, son of chin

Keepers and claimed Draft Picks So Far

Draft Date: March 20th, 9PM EST.

KEEPERS

Ants: howard, utley, tulo.

Cocks: reyes, roberts, kemp

Champ: Wright; Kinsler; Halladay

Chins: Zimmerman, Hunter, Cano

Ass Clowns: Longoria, Grienke and Zobrist.

Ass-Head: Youkilis; Gonzalez, A; Werth

Wolf: Wainwright, Braun, Texiera

Matzusaka: Crawford, Ramirez, Upton

Stanton: Cabrera, Sizemore, Martinez

Sexual Chocolate: Ellsbury, Sabbathia, Holliday

Fukudome: Prince, Ichiro & Victorino

Pinkies: Pujols; Arod; Lincecum

Draft Picks

1: Ass-Head

2: Selfless Foragers

3: Arch Stanton

4: Cocks

5: Ass Clowns

6: Wolf

7: Fukudome

8: Chins

9: Sexual Chocolate

10: Stinky Pinkies

11: Marlo

12: Matsuzaka

ALL KEEPERS DUE BY MARCH 13TH

ALL TRADES FOR DRAFT PICKS AND KEEPERS MUST BE COMPLETED BY MARCH 17TH.

Draft position...

I'll take the 9th spot....

Trade 3/13/10

Herewith forby let it therefore be stated thus:

Chins trade 2nd round draft pick to Marlo for Felix Hernandez.